So after taking a break from movies in February, (I think it was Baby Geniuses that ruined my appetite) I managed to get back into the zone in March, and I achieved the goal of 1 movie almost each day!
I think this month overall had a lot more enjoyable movies than January did, I’d say it was roughly half good, half bad, which is a lot better! Mind you, there were still some stinkers though…
In order of least favourite to most favourite, here’s everything I watched in March!
No. 28) Show Dogs
Currently, Show Dogs is my least favourite movie I’ve ever seen. Although, there’s always new bad movies that could take its place!
Most people might not hate this one as much as I do, and It’s hard to pinpoint exactly why this film is so completely abhorrent to me, but the biggest, most obvious problems are the story and characters.
Before viewing this, I didn’t think it was possible to dislike a dog. They’re so cute and lovable, right? Not this one.
How did they manage to make such an adorable creature into one of the least likable characters ever put to film? This dog is an absolute monster to everyone in his life, and he doesn’t even change by the end!
I know it’s a kids talking dog movie, but to be honest, ‘treat everyone like rubbish but get away with it because you’re cute’, probably isn’t the most appropriate message for little kids…
Anyway, there are a million other things wrong with this movie, but I’d best move on to the next one!
No. 27) The Amazing Bulk
Oh no. I don’t know how to even describe the Amazing Bulk…
It’s a self proclaimed rip off ‘mockbuster’ of The Incredible Hulk film, but 90% made out of Clipart level stock graphics, so I’m not sure it really can be called a movie.
The only reason this isn’t at the bottom spot, is that it’s awfulness is sometimes so absurd that it gets a laugh out of you, whereas Show Dogs wasn’t funny-bad, it was just sad.
Honestly, nothing I can say will accurately describe the quality of this… thing, so I’ll just leave some screenshots below.
No. 26) The Last Airbender
It takes a certain skill to turn one of the greatest TV shows of all time, into one of the most unwatchable, boring, insultingly patronising movies ever made.
It’s so much worse than it looks.
No. 25) The Yummy Gummy Search for Santa
This is a film based on the Gummy Bear YouTube video that was popular years and years ago.
Was there enough content in that 3 minute YouTube video to warrant a movie being made?
So for that reason, the made it a by-the-numbers Christmas movie, but without any of the charm, lovable characters, and emotions that makes those films enjoyable.
This one is really, really, bad, and at times pretty inappropriate for kids. Its only positive it that it’s quite short.
No. 24) The Master of Disguise
Have you ever seen the infamous ‘Turtle Club’ scene from this film?
If you haven’t had the misfortune of watching this scene, I definitely recommend typing ‘Master of Disguise Turtle Club’ into YouTube, just to get a taste of the horror this movie has in store.
Anyway, this scene is one of the least funny things I’ve ever witnessed. However, it’s actually one of the ‘better’ moments of the film.
That’s right, the rest of the movie is *WORSE* than this!
Also, there’s a really uncomfortable amount of incest jokes that just left me feeling sick… Let’s move on.
No. 23) Justice League
Urghhhh. A film with a whole bunch of great characters, somehow executed in the worst way possible. I’d heard a lot of people hating this one, but when I watched it for myself I found it actually much worse than I expected.
On top of a whole bunch of story and writing problems, it’s got to be one of the most visually unappealing movies I’ve ever seen.
No. 22) Playmobil: The Movie
Just a complete rip off of the Lego Movie, but worse in every way. The story is worse, the characters are a lot less likable, the animation is very plain, and for some, incomprehensible reason, they decided to make it a musical?
It’s such a close rip off of the Lego Movie, that I’m honestly surprised that whoever made this didn’t get sued for plagiarism. I have no respect for something that was clearly only made as a 100% copy of something else, it’s just such a scummy thing to do.
No. 21) Space Jam: A New Legacy
I’ve never seen the original, so I had no biases towards or against this movie when I watched it, but my goodness, it’s bad.
This feels like a money making scheme thought up by a company, determined to shove in as many references to their own properties as physically possible.
I’m sure kids will enjoy the film, but it’s obvious that the company that made this aren’t really thinking about kids at all. The best examples of this are some of the wildly inappropriate cameos in the film.
The worst of all the cameos, are the characters from A Clockwork Orange who make an appearance in the crowd in a scene of the film. What? Why would they do that?
On top of all that though, the acting is very wooden, the story is ok but very average, and there is a disturbing amount of ego-stroking directed towards the lead actor.
No. 20) Thunder Force
There’s almost nothing worse than an unfunny comedy. This is exactly that.
It’s a decent idea for a story, but the writing and jokes are so… bland and boring, I didn’t feel the urge to crack a smile even once.
Also, who thought it was funny to show people guzzling down raw chicken strips over and over again throughout the film? It was disgusting enough the first time, but by the third raw meat scene, I felt physically ill.
No. 19) Turning Red
It might be rather controversial to put this so low on the list, but I personally just didn’t enjoy this one. I gave it a 6/10, because I can tell it’s clearly well made, and I think there was a lot of heart and effort put in, but it just didn’t land for me.
I found the characters incredibly unlikable, even though the film wanted me to like them, and sympathise with them, but I just… didn’t, so that was my biggest problem with the film.
Other than that, I don’t think it has any huge glaring flaws, just not the right film for me!
No. 18) Power Rangers: The Movie
This clearly isn’t a film intended for my age group, and it’s got a very boring middle act, but even so, there are some hilarious moments here. The explosion of CGI towards the end is just mind blowing, and almost knocked me out with it’s sheer craziness, I can’t tell if that’s a good or bad thing, though.
No. 17) Dragonball Evolution
This is absolutely one of the worst films of all time. It’s bad beyond belief. Seriously, just incredible levels of awful.
It’s so intensely horrible, that it crosses the line into ‘so-bad-it’s-good’, in my opinion. I was hysterical the whole way through, and I’d be happy to watch it again, as long as I can convince my husband to experience it too.
No. 16) Tom & Jerry
This one makes me sad because I adored the original cartoons and watched them on repeat growing up. But that can’t change the fact that this movie was just not good.
I feel like it really misses the point of what made the show so good, and I think it would’ve been vastly improved by removing all of the human subplots, because they really don’t fit in to the whole concept of Tom & Jerry. Who, by the way, are featured in the film less than the humans.
No. 15) Green Lantern
Before watching Green Lantern this month, I remembered that I had watched it a long time ago. However, I couldn’t remember anything about the film. I’ve now seen it twice, and… I still can’t remember anything about it.
Wait, I remember one thing!
Bad CGI. That’s my takeaway from the movie.
Honestly this one is just pretty boring, there’s really not much meat to it.
No. 14) Angry Birds Movie 2
This was an ok animated movie. The story was good enough, and some of the characters were fun, but some were also rather annoying.
Some of the jokes could’ve been better, and there were a few too many pop culture songs shoved in, but the baby birds were pretty adorable, so it all kind of balances out to make an ok film, with some good points, and some bad.
No. 13) Ghostbusters (2016)
This one was actually a bit better than I expected. No, it’s not a masterpiece, or even a particularly great comedy, but it was pretty good.
The writing definitely needed work, and some of the immature jokes and toilet humour should probably have been taken out, or at least shortened, since they drag on for way too long. However, there was some funny stuff here, especially Chris Hemsworth, who I thought was actually really good in the film.
No. 12) Thor
It’s kind of strange that all the scenes set in the fantastical magic setting in this film felt a lot more boring than the scenes set on Earth!
I think this one improved a lot towards the middle and ending, but the first act is quite hard to sit through, which is a shame because there’s also a lot of good things in the movie too.
No. 11) Despicable Me
This film is at it’s best when it’s going for the more emotional stuff, I think. The comedy is ok, and the minions are a lot more enjoyable in small doses here, than in their newer outings.
No. 10) The Sorcerer’s Apprentice
This is very much a typical teen movie, but it does have a few things to set it apart, for better and worse.
On the worse end of things, the main character can be rather annoying. His quirky awkwardness is relatable for the first few minutes, but it gets really tiring and repetitive after a while.
On the better side, this movie has Nicolas Cage in it, which gives it some points immediately. I definitely think he should’ve been the main character though, and from the poster, I thought he was going to be!
No. 9) Trolls: World Tour
I went in to this thinking it was not going to be one for me, but I was actually pleasantly surprised.
As a fan of EDM since 2011, I heard the phrase ‘tHatS nOt rEaL mUsIc’ in high school over and over again until I was ready to explode.
So from the first scene of this movie, when the villain uses that exact same phrase, those repressed memories of the edgy emo kids trying to lecture me about ‘real’ music came back, and I was immediately personally invested. I needed to see that Rock Troll go down.
Seriously though, this movie is actually pretty good. Yes, some of the jokes rely way too much on current trends which isn’t great, and the musical parts are a mixed bag. Some of the songs are fun, but a few are also really annoying.
However, the animation is beautiful, and the fluffy fabric look is really enjoyable to watch. I’d also say the message of the film is really nice, and it’s definitely a positive one for kids. But it also definitely applies to the adults that insist on fighting and being vile to each other for having different tastes and opinions.
Overall, while the jokes and writing could’ve been better, this movie is generally pretty heartwarming and definitely enjoyable to watch.
No. 8) Super Mario Bros
Probably the least faithful video game movie of all time. Somehow though, I actually loved this. It’s one of the weirdest things I’ve ever seen. Nothing makes any sense and everything is confusing.
But it’s brilliant.
I wasn’t sure at first whether I thought this was awful or genius, but then I heard the line of dialogue, ‘Trust the fungus’ and that was me sold.
No. 7) Batman Forever
If it was up to me, Jim Carrey would’ve won an Oscar for his performance as the Riddler. He’s one of the most entertaining characters I’ve ever seen on film! It’s kind of a shame though that all the other characters struggle to keep up with him, but I guess it can’t be helped when you’re up next to such a scene stealer!
No. 6) Judge Dredd
To be honest, I watched this film because I wanted to see how many times they said ‘LAW’, in the film, and because the new one is too violent for me to watch.
However, I’m very glad I did, because I really loved this! The performances were enjoyable to watch, the story was entertaining, and some of the practical effects were totally awesome.
No. 5) Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance
This one has things that I like both more, and less than the first.
I love that Nicolas Cage was given more room to go big with the acting. I also thought Idris Elba was great, and it’s always awesome to see Christopher Lambert too.
The CGI was also particularly good in this movie, especially with all the rot and mould.
However, I did prefer the Western tone of the first movie, and I also thought this one was maybe 10 minutes or so too short, by the ending I was left wanting more. Overall I loved this movie and thought it was a lot of fun!
No. 4) Ghost Rider
I knew I would love this before I watched it, and I was right.
The opening was great, the character was great, the story was great, the cinematography was great, and Nicolas Cage was brilliant, as usual.
Honestly I thought this was so much fun, and the only problems I had at all were the villains, because they did feel a little bit lame, and sometimes an awesome Cage scene was interrupted to show a scene with the villains instead, which was mildly disappointing, but not too big of a deal.
Also, as a side note, it was really cool to see a character eating and doing odd things just as a normal part of their life, instead of just being 100% normal and ‘relatable’.
As someone who eats ice cream in the shower, seeing Johnny Blaze eat jelly beans from a wine glass while watching Ape programmes on the TV was much more relatable than 99% of cool movie characters.
Bring back weird character habits!
No. 3) The Lego Movie
Absolutely one of the most visually creative things I’ve ever seen. Not only that, but the story is delightful, hilarious and surprisingly heartfelt.
It’s definitely as good as everyone says it is, and it’s one I’ll probably rewatch multiple times!
No. 2) Batman & Robin
This film is a masterpiece.
The ice puns, the one liners, anatomically accurate suits, the camp-ness…
Seriously this is legitimately so much fun to watch, I was enthralled from start to finish, and also impressed by some details and aspects.
Mr Freeze was fantastic, and I actually really appreciated the ending.
Overall I thought this movie is just total fun, which is all I can ask for!
Joint 1st Place! Raising Arizona
I expected this to be funny (and it was), but I didn’t expect that I’d be crying by the end!
Nicolas Cage is fantastic in the movie and he really stole the show, but everyone else was really good too.
I liked this movie so much that I watched it again with my husband, a few days later, and I think it actually got even better the second time. There’s just something really wonderful about this film, apart from being technically brilliant, it’s got a special quality that makes it totally endearing.
Joint 1st Place! The Batman
This is by far the most sympathetic live action Batman I’ve ever seen.
Robert Pattinson was absolutely legendary in this film. He expressed so much with his eyes alone, and portrayed the character as someone who I could really feel for and root for.
All the other acting was great too, as was the directing, the cinematography, the soundtrack, and the writing.
I love the character of Batman, but until now, I don’t think anyone has really pulled off the emotional or sympathetic side of him in live action (the animated series is the ‘GOAT’, as they say)
I think that’s the biggest reason why I loved this film so much, it was a film with so much kindness and empathy, more than I’ve seen in a long time. It feels like finally someone gets it. Matt Reeves and Robert Pattinson really seem to get the character. I can’t wait for a sequel and I really hope they continue the tone that they set with this one!
So, that’s what I thought of everything I watched in March! Out of these films, I think the ones I liked enough to buy on Blu-Ray are:
- Super Mario Bros
- Judge Dredd
- Ghost Rider 1 & 2
- The Lego Movie
- Raising Arizona
- The Batman
I think that’s quite a few more than last month! I also love Batman & Robin enough to buy, but I already have it. Unfortunately though, they haven’t had many of these films in stock at HMV lately, so far I’ve only been able to find Super Mario Bros!
Hopefully I can find the rest some time!
This week’s photo prompt is a little mini harbour in a village I went to the other day. Unfortunately the tide was well in, so I couldn’t get too many beach photos, but I liked the look of these ropes and chains. I wonder if there could be a story about the boats that used to dock here?…
Maybe a month
Away from the screen,
Recharged my brain,
Cinema called out to me.
How many pictures are still left to see?
Movies could fill out a lifetime
Varying lengths, genres, and styles,
Investing, action-packed, funny, or wild
Every one different with something to offer,
Save for ‘Show Dogs’, I really wouldn’t bother.
Thank you so much for reading!